Iceland

Seven days in Iceland, you’re probably thinking “No way!” and I’m over here like: “Bro, it can be done”. On a side-note, Hater (my husband) is a little bit more practical when it comes to planning trips, he would gladly buy a plane ticket that includes eight layovers if it saved us $20, while I am more like: “First class for an extra $2,000? YOLO!!” That being said, Iceland is one of the most expensive places to vacation, but it had always been on Hater’s list. Light bulb! I decided to surprise him with a trip to Iceland for Christmas. I mean I paid for the plane ticket and the car rental, I am not made out of money.  The man had to pay for the rest of his shit while we were there. He also had to wait nine long months to go, because I bought the tickets for September, since we had other vacations planned. As soon as we arrived, I realized I had a major crush on this country. I was so glad we chose to drive ourselves around the island instead of taking a tour bus because with every piece of scenery we passed the next sight was even more glorious. We must’ve seen more than 50 waterfalls on our drives and that might be an understatement. We saw grassy green areas, black beaches, sheep (so many sheep), pretty horses (so many horses) and glaciers. It was like we transported ourselves into all seven kingdoms from Game of Thrones rolled up into one. Here’s a synopsis of how the driving schedule looked for us:

Day One

We arrived in Reykjavík early in the morning and we were already eager to start exploring, so we proceeded to haul ass and pick up our rental car. There was a little bit of a line and it took longer than we expected, and unfortunately there was no bar at Enterprise car rental which was completely outrageous, but we got it done and we were on our way. Our vacation took place in the fall so we decided to take advantage of the good weather and drive the entire island. We read that in the winter it is very dangerous to drive and that you will find the roads closed anyway: no, thank you. My husband already drives like he is two hours late for happy hour so I’d rather not add even more stress to our vacay. There is no time like the present so our sightseeing started right then and there. The plan for the first day was to drive to a hotel near Vatnajökull National Park so we could go visit the park first thing the following morning. All these long-ass Icelandic names are very confusing, so get a notepad if you want to keep track of all this. Basically, this national park is where Jökulsárlón glacier lagoon is at. The drive from Reykjavík is approximately 5 hours, but we chose to make stops at touristy spots along the way wearing our stinky plane attire that we had been donning for the last 20 hours. With any luck, we could find some Febreze to spray ourselves with, I was a woman with a mission and body odor was not going to stop me. The first stop was Seljalandsfoss, and they had me at hot chocolate. There was a coffee bar right by the entrance where I grabbed this delicious beverage that is so underrated, because screw coffee. Hot chocolate is better and the rest of the world is wrong. Styrofoam cup in hand, we walked to this magical waterfall and I immediately knew I was not going to be disappointed by Iceland, Iceland, baby. The sound of the waterfall as you are approaching is hypnotizing, and then you walk behind the waterfall and you are standing right where magical fairies probably live. *Tip alert* Invest in a good pair of hiking or winter boots before traveling to Iceland. They are a must! The terrain was a bit slippery and I almost completely ate shit coming down the wooden steps as we were coming out of the waterfall.

• 

• 

The next stop for us was, you guessed correctly, another stunning waterfall, Skógafoss. This one was special because you can get a pretty rainbow in your picture, they could probably shoot one of those Skittles commercials here and maybe make them less weird. The one with the giraffe is fucking wild, isn’t it? After enjoying the beautiful view from up close, we wanted to enjoy it from afar as well. There was a small restaurant really close with our names all over it: Hotel Skógafoss Bistro & Bar. We walked up the small hill to reach the entrance and grabbed a table; you immediately notice the amazing views of Skógafoss and there are tables outside but they were all taken (Try to snatch an outside table if you can!). We settled for a table inside, which was amazing nonetheless. I ordered delicious fresh fish and Hater ordered beer, obviously. The food was really good and the vibe was fantastic because of the nice views of the waterfall.

• 

• 

After the nice lunch, it was time to drive to our hotel. We booked the Fosshotel Glacier Lagoon Hotel for the next two nights. This hotel was very pretty and it had a balcony with fire pits, nice couches and even blankets provided by the hotel to enjoy cozy nights outside.  The hotel also has a waterfall within walking distance from it and it was 25 minutes from Vatnajökull National Park.

The check-in process was smooth and easy and after we had unloaded our stuff, we walked downstairs for a nice romantic dinner at our hotel. My, oh my!! This dinner was absolutely fantastic. As soon as we got sat at our table, we got our menus and a beautiful basket of bread followed by complimentary cheese, and Mama likes her queso. As for our main entrees, I decided to go with the fish and Hater ordered the lamb and look at the pictures of these beautiful deconstructed delights! They looked like art displays; Iceland chefs created two masterpieces just for us. Honestly though, the best part was that ridiculous brownie that did not deserve to die so soon in my mouth. RIP you small square of rich chocolate cake, I miss you.

• 

• 

• 

• 

Even though I knew Iceland would be beautiful all around, it still blew my mind. The beauty of its nature is unreal. But you know what surprised me the most? The amazing food, I ate some of the freshest seafood there, I got hooked on their food almost immediately.

Day Two

Time to explore Vatnajökull National Park! The first thing I wanted to do here was a boat tour to go see the glacier up close. We arrived and paid for our tour and had to sit around for a bit before it was time to go. Do you know what’s always a good way to kill time? Food. There are two food trucks by the parking lot and Hater ordered a hot dog and I had a very tasty lobster roll. Yum, yum yum. I am not super picky, but I know a good thing when I eat it and that lobster roll was definitely worth the calories.

Jökulsárlón Glacier Lagoon

• 

• 

After that, we were ready to begin our tour where they give you your own fun pantsuit in case you fall in the ice lagoon and need to survive hypothermia. As soon as you get dressed in your classy red and black waterproof pantsuit, you board a bus that will drive you to the boat and the drive was only about 5 minutes. The driver was quite funny and told us hilarious facts about Iceland. After the safety briefing, we were on the boat. My weakness, huge weakness, BOATS. Let me tell you, that boat ride was a hoot and a half. I have to say, it was very cool being in a lagoon filled with small glaciers that fractured off from the glacier in the bay, which seemed so close I could almost taste the age-old ice. It was most definitely informative, but again, so much fucking fun. We went fast, it was cold, it was beautiful, it was the tits.

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

After the boat tour, we drove the car right across the street to go see Diamond Beach. I guess the name comes from all the cool icebergs that look like huge diamonds floating out to sea through the inlet.  Some of these icebergs wash up onto the black sand beach, creating quite the contrast of beauty. Marvelous! We loved looking at the cool formations the ice makes and we saw a seal just swimming all over the place. Sadly, I didn’t find any real diamonds, bummer.  

• 

• 

Next up, we decided to drive to Svartifoss for a nice hike and to see another waterfall. To the random girl who saw me going up and suggested I leave my jacket behind, thank you!!!! If I ever find you on Tinder, I am definitely swiping right. I think ten minutes into the hike I was already warm, it was very enjoyable and not too long, it was probably 35 minutes. Once you get back from the hike, stop by Glacier goodies food truck and treat yo’self!

• 

• 

After a day packed with fun adventures we drove back to our hotel and we walked to check out our private waterfall near the hotel. Right after that, we grabbed a bottle of whiskey and enjoyed the porch at our hotel.  It was a blankets and Jameson low key kind of night.

Day Three

Time to check out of our magical hotel and drive some more. The plan was to go all the way to Goðafoss and that we did. There were a few stops on the way there, but we had our AUX cable and our insanely unhealthy snacks, so we were listening to “Human” by The Jonas Brothers, eating paprika chips and thriving. We like to play this game where we choose a song for each trip and we try to listen to it every day in the morning, or while we are getting ready at night. Then, in the future, when we hear the song, it will bring back memories from the trip and make us smile thinking about the place we were at (for those psychology 101 students, that’s our version of a mnemonic device). Sometimes this happens organically and it’s just a song we seem to hear everywhere during the trip, other times, we just choose a new song we really like at the time and we decide to crank it nonstop. As you may have already guessed, the song for the Iceland trip was “Human” and it DID happen organically, for some reason this song kept on coming up on Spotify. Oh, and we were infatuated with the paprika potato chips and kept on buying them every time we stopped for gas, I suggest you try these bad boys. Paprika chips are the real KING IN THE NORTH!

Stop number one was the black sand beach in Lækjavik, this place was pretty, man. There is plenty of parking space, but caution, the way down is a bit steep. It is a unique beach and I really wish we would’ve packed a picnic basket because it was not crowded at all and it was breathtaking. I could’ve stayed here for a few hours if I would’ve had a blanket and a savory meatless sandwich with paprika chips. I loved this place as much as Daenerys loved her dragons. Oh, my Mhysa!

Next up was Námafjall geothermal and mud pots. These were cool holes in the ground with steam coming out of them, cool special effects for a Boomerang video if you ask me. This stop didn’t take too long, I think if you want to plan a 45-minute stop that is more than enough.

• 

• 

Stop number three was the Mývatn nature baths, which is a geothermal pool, aka a giant hot tub. Listen, I know this place has great reviews and people seem to love it, but if you compare it to The Blue Lagoon, this place doesn’t stand a chance. I mean sure it is worth seeing it and soaking your ass in the hot water when it is cold outside, but the changing rooms were quite small and you have to shower before you go in and the people here have zero self-esteem issues. Boobies and vagines everywhere you looked, super crammed bathroom. Me no likey.  Hater, on the other hand, was probably happy with all the peckers dangling dangerously close to his face as he changed into his bathing suit. It was stressful trying to get dressed and undressed in such a small space with 20 chi-chis staring back at you. The bottom of the pool is not smooth and is littered with itty-bitty rocks. Oh, and if you need a towel, you have to pay for one. But yeah, stop in for a dip and a beer and avoid eye contact at all cost.

• 

• 

• 

Last stop of the day, Goðafoss!! Our hotel was the Fossholl Guesthouse and it was the cutest little room right by the waterfall.  The room was so close, that we were able to visit them twice, once in the afternoon and once in the morning. By the time we checked in, it was already starting to get dark so we asked the owner to recommend a place to grab some food.  He informed us about a pizza restaurant about twenty minutes back the way we came and thus we had pizza to close the night. A day that ends with great pizza is a good fucking day, mate.

• 

• 

• 

* This was the only night there was a tiny chance to see the northern lights (Aurora Borealis), but unfortunately, they did not want to come out and play. Oh well, I guess we will have to plan a trip to Finland soon! Easy fix. In case you didn’t know, the northern lights are these bright dancing lights, a natural light display in the sky where the night looks like a beautiful painting in neon colors, created by Mother Nature.

Day Four

Time to drive to the west side of the island! The owner of the hotel stopped by right before we checked out and dropped off our light breakfast that consisted of fruit, water, a sandwich, and a yogurt. He was very helpful and recommended to go see the black church and the bar at Hótel Búðir, both on the way to our destination. Say no more! We wrote it down and included it on our list of stops. We went to the Goðafoss waterfall to take some pictures and then we started our drive for the day. The first stop of the day was Stykkisholmur, a town right by a port that looked straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel. It was so quiet and peaceful, not much traffic and perfect for a boozy lunch. Like any other savvy traveler, we rely on Tripadvisor like there’s no tomorrow. Sjávarpakkhúsið was a restaurant by the water that had amazing reviews, like we needed another reason to go in, we had already seen the happy hour sign. It was a no-brainer. Listen, we were there right when they opened and we were seated right away, but just minutes later every freaking table was taken. I swear the rest of the town was so quiet, I don’t even know where these people came from. This place is popular and there is a reason why. Hater ordered the mussels which were fabulous and I ordered the fish burger, mother of God! This fish burger was especially caught and cooked by Aquaman himself. At least in my head, that’s how it happened. Drooling right now. Sjávarpakkhúsið, say that shit three times!

• 

• 

• 

Anyhow, after the tasty goodies we walked to the Súgandisey lighthouse. You have to hike a few steps, but it’s nothing too strenuous and very easy to do.

After wandering around town a little bit more, we bought some souvenirs and continued our drive. The next stop was Kirkjufellsfoss, here we go again with the Game of Thrones bullshit. This is the mountain that is shown on Season 7 but on the show, they called it Arrowhead mountain. Seriously though, best TV show ever. But am I the only one who is pretending Season 8 never happened? Kirkjufellsfoss is one of the most photographed places in Iceland and it is gorgeous.  Go across the street near the waterfall and take some beautiful photos looking back.

• 

• 

Alright, let’s take a very short break from waterfalls and head over to Hótel Búðir, as recommended by our friend from Goðafoss. We parked by the hotel and decided to walk to the black church first. It was a cute little black building with amazing surroundings. We noticed there were horse tours in that area, and it looked like the patrons were enjoying themselves. Horseback riding is not my thing, I would much rather pet and talk to horses but that’s just me. We walked back to the hotel to have that drink I had been dreaming of and it was pretty quiet when we walked inside the lobby, but they had a full bar, breathtaking views and happy hour. The bartender was really nice and he nailed the margarita on the rocks. It was so peaceful and so romantic just sitting there and looking out the massive windows. I felt so very classy, I even pretended to know French. “Oui, Oui, monsieur, le margarita s’il vous plait?” The bartender told me to stop insulting the French language and to stick to Spanish, that even my English was iffy at best.

After a few “le margs”, we drove straight to the most amazing little piece of heaven brought to you by Airbnb, if you copy one thing and one thing only from this post, please let it be booking a room at Stóri–Kambur. For reals, what kind of insane shit was that? We were not worthy. The day I finally get fed up with all the bad shit happening in the world, this is where I am moving to. This was a small little room in the middle of nowhere, nothing fancy, but you have everything you need. You have two small beds, a bathroom with a shower, a kitchen, a couch and the most fantastic, quiet place surrounded by pure awesomeness. The owners have the main house far from the Airbnb so it feels like you are the only people for miles. They also have horses and they offer tours as well. This was probably my favorite night while in Iceland. We cooked some really crappy food because we did a horrible job grocery shopping, but we sat on that porch eating, drinking and loving the unplugged life. I have to give Hater all the credit for this little find. He found this place and booked it for us, this is the kind of awesome shit he does and why I keep him around. He drinks and he knows things.

• 

• 

Day Five

Time to come full circle and drive back to where it all begun, Reykjavík. The drive was about 2.5 hours, not too bad, so the only stop we made was to say hi to some pretty horses on the side of the road.  

• 

• 

We stayed at a regular Radisson hotel, nothing special, we just wanted to be walking distance from the fun at night. After we checked in, we drove to Fisherman Fish Shop & Kitchen for lunch. This placeeeeee…yo!! It is a small restaurant, maybe 4 tables and a high-top area. You choose your type of fish from the display window, the type of sauce and the sides you want and they cook it while you wait. I beg you to get the haddock with the tartar sauce. OH, MY LAWDDDDD!! Hater got the barley as a side and I could not stop eating the food from his plate, barley is almost like a quinoa but better!

• 

• 

After we had happy bellies full of fish, we drove to the nearest brewery. RVK brewing company was very chill, it’s always nice to try beers around the world, right? The beers were pricey and we wouldn’t say they were the best beers we have had, but this is for the experience. Hater got a badass shirt too, so that alone was reason enough to go.

After the brewery, we drove back to the hotel and parked the car so we could just walk to the downtown area. The first thing we checked out was the Hallgrímskirkja church, it is one of the most famous landmarks in Reykjavík, you just have to. The other famous thing is their hot dog, that’s right. Apparently, Iceland hot dogs are instafamous. Island girl does not eat four legged animals, especially not the ones that are pink in color and when the meat is shaped like a wiener, but Hater loves his meat….maybe that’s why he enjoyed that small changing room with all the naked tourists so much. We stopped by Reykjavík Street dog so the carnivore could devour some flesh in a bun. Hater gave it two thumbs up and would eat there again. As we walked around downtown window shopping, we found the Lebowski Bar, which is a bar completely dedicated to the movie The Big Lebowski. It was packed, and it was loud, so obviously we freaking loved it. There are many bars and restaurants all over, it is a very lively place. We stayed out late and we were ready to do it all again the next day.

• 

• 

Day Six

Blue Lagoon day is here!! I was under the impression that this was a tourist trap, it was one of those things that you feel like you have to see for yourself. I have the mentality of going to places and seeing them with my own eyes, even if I know they will potentially suck balls. You just gotta check the box, man. The blue lagoon was the perfect example, lots of people online have the same opinion, that this place is just another tourist trap. We were just excited to be in a giant hot tub drinking cheap champagne by noon. The drive from Reykjavík is approximately 40 minutes to the lagoon, which is also close to the airport in case you want to go as soon as you arrive or on your way out. As always, I wanted to get there early enough to avoid the crowds so we bought tickets in advance for 8am. We arrived and the parking lot was pretty empty, I am a genius. We got to the lobby and the place is very organized. We presented our tickets and we were given a bracelet that we used for everything, to include the lockers and payment for food, drinks etc. First thing we noticed was that the towels, robes and even sandals were included. Thank you, Jesus! Hater and I had to go our separate ways in order to put our crap in the lockers and take our pre-lagoon shower. The bathroom area is massive, tons of showers and lockers, and many employees inside to tell you where to go and what to do. The showers are far enough from the lockers so you don’t have to worry about standing in a giant puddle of water as you change, they even had hair dryers available for use, for free. I stuffed my boots and leggings in the locker and walked my happy ass to one of the empty showers. The place is spotless, and has plenty of room so that you can avoid the vajayjays right in your face. Again, Jesus…thank you! After my shower, I was ready for the lagoon and I started to walk outside. There were clothing racks outside that people can leave sandals, garments and towels. It’s now time to enter the lagoon and it is game on.

• 

• 

The lagoon has a swim up bar, bitches. They have smoothies, wine and champagne that can be charged with the magical bracelet. The future is here. The other thing that is included with the entry fee is a facial mask which moisturizes the wrinkles you get after smiling for so long. Honestly, we did not want to leave. The lagoon is big and we moved around and hung out for hours. After we left against our will, we took another shower and changed back into our clothes.

We had made reservations for the restaurant onsite which has a nice view of the lagoon. Would you expect the food to be good in a tourist trap? I didn’t, I really didn’t. I was just high on hot water and silica masks so I could not have cared less if the food was sewage. I would’ve eaten pop-tarts and been happy as a clam at high tide. We sat down and ordered our champagne and our appetizers and when the food started coming, I was delighted. The meal was superb, I had the best crème brulèe of my life. Honestly!

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

After the lagoon, we drove back to the hotel and parked our car so we could walk to the downtown area for one last hurrah. It was time for the reverse walk of shame, walking to the bars knowing you were about to do something real stupid by drinking the night before your flight. Smart move.

We walked to a few bars, we stayed up late, and we regretted absolutely nothing. Ok, maybe we regretted Hater’s obsessions with gambling and alcohol. Some Icelandic bars combine Hater’s vices in the form of a wheel that you pay $20 to spin. The wheel is reminiscent of wheel of fortune, except that this game should be called wheel of regrets. Hater paid his $20 and he avoided hitting the space that doesn’t win shit, he actually won 6 beers that we finished off expeditiously. We played the wheel-of-death two more times and we officially won a hangover, but hey, the freedom to make my own mistakes was all I ever wanted.

Day Seven

I cried relentlessly as we drove to the airport and googled how to become a millionaire in two hours so I could cancel my trip and live in Iceland forever. Goodbye gorgeous, I will think of you until the day I die.

PS – If you have never seen Game of Thrones and you don’t get any of my references, I just have one thing to say to you: DRACARYS!