The Maldives

How can I even write this post about the Maldives without doing something stupid like booking a flight right effing now? Who vacations like this? Let me tell you, this place is everything you see in those desktop pictures that look so fake and so photoshopped. You are stuck on an island, which sounds scary and psychotic, but you will love every minute of it. Let’s not ignore the fact that it is definitely one of the most expensive destinations in the world, and when I dreamt of going to the Maldives for our honeymoon, I thought we were royally fucked. I told myself “Dream on, babe. Maybe in your next lifetime.” Why couldn’t my parents just invest in Google or some shit years ago and give me tons of money? They are just dream murderers, if you ask me. Luckily, I married a man who will do research until his eyeballs hurt if he can figure out smart ways to vacation for less. We started planning for our trip two years before our honeymoon and we saved every mile, every point, and at some point, we considered selling our organs in the black market. Whatever it takes! It wasn’t easy and we still had a good chunk of out of pocket expenses, but you choose what your priorities in life are and mine was to get my ass to the Indian Ocean, dammit. We were able to use our travel miles and booked business class flights on Etihad, and that made all the difference in the world. We were given pajamas, slippers, a toothbrush, toothpaste, a comforter, a pillow and a fancy meal menu. The flying time was over 16 hours, so you better believe I changed into my PJs, chugged some champagne and passed the f out for hours. We were also able to use all of our Hilton points to book our dreamy overwater bungalows. However, we still had to pay a pretty high lodging rate on top of the points. Worth it!

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We decided to do a stopover in Abu Dhabi, a stopover is just a fancy name for a long layover. The flight to The Maldives is a loooooong one, so a stopover gave us the opportunity to see a different country and to split our trip and take a break from flying. After some sightseeing, shopping and some good night sleep in an actual bed, we continued on to our final destination: motherforking paradise! If you travel to The Maldives, you will have to arrive in Malé, which is the capital of The Maldives, and from there you take a seaplane straight to your hotel. This short flight costs approximately, $500 per person.

Each hotel in The Maldives is its own island, and the only way out is that little seaplane. That’s right, you get to vacation in your very own private island. Richard Branson, you ain’t that special. Conrad Maldives Rangali Island Resort had its own airport lounge and it was lovely. They have water, snacks and cold towels to relax while you wait to board your plane. We waited a short period of time and before we knew it, we were crammed up in a tiny Fiat with wings and loving life.

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Day One

That miniature plane landed in the water after the most expensive 30 minute flight of our lives, and we knew it was all worth it. We chose the Conrad Maldives Rangali Island because it’s a Hilton property and we had saved all of our Hilton points. We had a concierge from the resort assigned to us and anything we needed we were able to contact him and he would make it happen, and he was waiting for us on the dock when we arrived.

One of the best things about having your very own concierge is the fact that we could ask him to drive us around in a golf cart at any time. He grabbed our luggage and we jumped in our golf cart and off we were. I want to know how rich people are always vacationing in Cabo, do they not know about this place? Oh, right, it is a long flight, and it feels like it takes 28 days to get there. Right, right. But, wow. If we could afford it, we would probably visit every single year.

We dropped off our bags in our room and after squealing like a monkey 24 times and yelling “Oh my Goooooood!”, we decided to go and explore the resort.

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There is a boat that can transport you from one side of the island to the other, or you can walk on the long bridge if you are feeling like stretching your legs. We used this boat quite a bit, the view is fantastic and it saves time when you are trying to make it to breakfast ASAP and get your champagne on before noon.

The first night we decided to indulge and partake in the lobster and champagne dinner on the beach. We thought we would be all bougie at least for one night, it was our honeymoon after all. The dinner was on the beach and with the most gorgeous views of the stars. But, if they thought they could make a profit with this $300 per person price tag, they had another thing coming. This dinner was an all-you-can-eat style and my husband was on the marathon of his life. He was able to eat *drum roll, please* SEVEN LOBSTER TAILS! I shit you not. This man was not going to let something as insignificant as a waistband get in the way. And me, well I took care of enough champagne to intoxicate a petite Irish man.

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Day Two

The Conrad Maldives includes breakfast for guests with gold status, and we found out on our second day that it included unlimited champagne. Game on, suckers. We ate enough food and drank enough champagne in the mornings, to be able to skip lunch every day.

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There are two different pools and we did not even bother with going to the kid friendly pool, something about yelling and splashing kind of kills the honeymoon vibe. The adult pool though, it was like a vision. I don’t think we ever saw more than three couples at the same time. It was so peaceful and nice, it was impossible not to stay relaxed. See for yourself:

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Since we were able to skip lunch after a big breakfast, we just waited until 4pm for tea time. Tea time means free snacks. Skip the hot beverage and go ahead and eat 12 mini sandwiches and 8 tiny pastries. But, save room for happy hour! Guess what, from 5pm to 6pm, more free booze for Hilton Gold members!! People are so funny, paying for drinks. Like, why?? Drinks, and, and, and….more snacks! We participated in Tea Time and Happy Hour EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. (This used to be the case in 2016, however, the times and benefits for tea time and happy hour have changed. Booooo!)

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That night we just had bar food and watched some soccer at the main bar, after the game there was a DJ and that was a wrap. Needless to say, day two was a 10 out of 10.

Day Three

Our days consisted of boozy breakfast and enjoying the beach and pool. Waking up every morning to the bluest blue right outside your door, it is sublime.

This day, we decided to visit Ithaa, which is the underwater restaurant for the champagne/appetizer deal. They also offer dinner, but we felt like a little snack and a champs glass would be enough for us to enjoy the magic here. I recommend this so much. If you visit the restaurant, make sure you wear sandals or flip flops since you will be asked to take your shoes off to go inside and you will have to leave them by the door. I am not getting paid to say this, Ithaa is worth every one of the gazillion dollars you will spend for a glass of champagne. It is very special and unique, a MUST.

For dinner we decided to go big or go home…go home? NEVER! Big it is, so we had dinner at Mandhoo restaurant, check out the best table in the world!! I don’t even remember what we had to eat, but honestly, who cares. Nothing in the world could taste bad here. (Well, except foie gras, fuck that shit).

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Day Four

The Maldives is, for the most part, a couple’s destination and you end up meeting a lot of happy honeymooners. On day four, we met two other couples by the pool, one couple was from Dubai and the other one was from England. We spent the day talking to them and after the pool, we moved on to a table by the beach and we had a marvelous time just enjoying the sunset and sipping cocktails.

Day Five

On our last day, it was raining so after breakfast we came back to our bungalow and enjoyed the bathtub with the magical view and our champagne in the room. Hey, I am not complaining. I might’ve even been the cause of the rain after my rain dance …don’t judge me, I wanted to cherish that beautiful room. It was the perfect end to our trip, just hubby and me and a whole ocean for the two of us just outside our room.

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The Maldives, go add that to your bucket list right this second. I have traveled to many places and, to this day, The Maldives is by far, my favorite place in the entire world.

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